Adrenaline's Better than Oxygen
by AlexMason666
Summary: This is a Mass Effect 3 story, it tells how a romance between James and Shepard would play out.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Commander," James said as he entered Kevin Shepard's cell, saluting him.

Even though he had known the commander only for a short time, he had developed a crush on him after being around him so much. Shepard had been imprisoned by Alliance Command for causing the destruction of the Bahak system, a decision James would've made himself if put in that position. James thought the whole reason for the Commander's imprisonment was to placate the Batarians.

"You're not supposed to call me that anymore James," Shepard replied, turning around.

"Not supposed to salute you either," James told him. "We gotta go, the Defense Committee wants to see you."

"Sounds important," Shepard responded with a frown.

He threw the pad he was reading on a nearby table and followed James out the door. James stole a sideways glance at Shepard. _Fuck, he's gorgeous._ He thought to himself with a slight smile on his lips. He turned left out of the cell door and started making his way down the corridor at a fast pace. An Alliance soldier cut Shepard off just as he was about to exit his cell.

"What's going on?" Shepard asked, running a bit to catch up to James.

"Couldn't say," James responded, stealing another quick glance into Shepard's gorgeous blue eyes. "Just told me they needed you, now."

Shepard slowed and smiled when he saw Admiral Anderson coming towards them. Anderson seemed to be in a hurry. Maybe it was over; maybe Shepard was finally going to be released.

"Anderson," Shepard greeted him.

"Admiral," James said, saluting.

"You look good Shepard," the Admiral said, shaking Shepard's hand before adding with a joking pat to his stomach as he took a left down an adjacent corridor. "Maybe a little soft around the edges. How you been holding up since being relieved of duty?"

James couldn't help but chuckle a bit at what Anderson had said. The Commander was definitely not soft anywhere, even his ass was solid he noted looking down at it.

"It's not so bad once you get used to the hot food and soft beds," Shepard answered eliciting a small chuckle from James.

_Did he just laugh? _Shepard thought to himself hoping he hadn't imagined it. _Nah, James wouldn't laugh. Not at that anyway. _Anderson took a left down another corridor, ignoring Shepard's remark.

"We'll get it all sorted out." Anderson assured Shepard, trying not to imagine what being stuck in that cell was like.

"What's going on? Why's everyone in such a hurry?" Shepard asked, even though he already knew.

"Hackett's mobilizing the fleets, I'm guessing word's made it to Alliance Command. Something big's headed our way," Anderson started to make his way up a flight of stairs.

Shepard slowed before stopping altogether at the foot of the stairs. Something big could only mean one thing, the thing he dreaded for so long. " The Reapers?" he asked.

James stared at Shepard's back for a moment, a look of shock on his face. Could the Reapers actually be on their way here, now? It seemed so impossible, but James knew they were real. He had heard Shepard screaming in his sleep more than once because of them. He had wanted to comfort the commander, but he had been on duty watching his cell door at the time. He also figured the commander wouldn't be interested in him. He still had that picture of Kaidan on his nightstand.

Anderson turned to regard him, "We don't know, not for certain."

"What else could it be?" Shepard wondered out loud.

"If I knew that."

"You know were not ready if it is them, not by a long shot," Shepard told him grimly.

"Tell that to the Defence Committee," Anderson said with a shake of the head.

The two men continued up the stairs. James was in shock, he wouldn't admit it to anyone, but the Reapers were the one thing he was truly afraid of. He shook his head in frustration. Dwelling on it wouldn't help at all. He stared again at Shepard's ass to take his mind off the Reapers. His mouth was open slightly and he felt a bit of drool forming at the corner of his lips. He sucked back the drool and swallowed.

"Unless we're planning to talk the Reapers to death, the committee is a waste of time," Shepard said in reply.

"They're just scared," Anderson responded, arriving at the top of the stairs. "None of them have seen what you've seen. You've faced down a Reaper. Hell, you spoke to one. Then blew the damned thing up. You've seen how they harvest us, what they plan to do to us. You know more about this enemy than anyone."

"Is that why they grounded me, took away my ship?" Shepard asked him.

Anderson stopped, "You know that's not true. When you blew up the Batarian relay hundreds of thousands of Batarians died."

"It was that or let the Reapers walk through our backdoor," Shepard replied sadly.

James stared at Shepard some more with his arms crossed, a neutral expression on his face. The Commander sure was sexy, pretty much perfect. He just wished he could see him naked.

"I know that Shepard," Anderson said sternly. "And so does the committee. If it wasn't for them, you would've been court-martialed and left to rot in the brig."

Shepard wasn't buying it. He knew the committee didn't care, he knew Anderson was the real reason. "That and your good word?"

"Yeah, I trust you Shepard and so does the committee."

"I'm just a soldier Anderson, I'm no politician," Shepard said frankly.

"I don't need to be either," Anderson replied, making his way down the corridor again. "I just need you to do whatever the hell it takes to help us stop the Reapers."

After finally arriving at the courtroom outer office. A Receptionist ushered them into the room. Anderson went in first with the Receptionist, Shepard and James followed behind.

"Good luck in there Shepard," James said, shaking his hand.

"Anderson," Kaidan Alenko said as he entered the room. "Shepard."

"Kaidan," Shepard replied, his heart beating faster.

_Oh great_, James thought, _the Major is here. Now he'll go all weak in the knees around him. It just pisses me off so much. I wanted him all to myself, now I'll have to share him with Alenko._

"How'd it go in there Major?" Anderson asked.

"Okay, I think, hard to know. I'm Just waiting for orders now," Kaidan told him.

"Major?" Shepard asked, his heart beat under control now.

"You hadn't heard?" Anderson wanted to know.

"No, I hadn't," he said with a frown.

"Sorry Shepard, it's been…, well," Kaidan hesitated, not sure what to say next.

"That's okay, I'm just glad I bumped into you Kaidan," Shepard replied.

"Yeah, me too."

The Receptionist returned and called Shepard and the Admiral away into the Committee's office. Kaidan nodded at Shepard with a smile and Shepard stared right back at him. The two men both still loved each other a lot, that much James could see.

"Is there something going on between you two?" he asked Kaidan.

"There used to be," Kaidan replied, giving James hope that maybe something could happen with the Commander.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, I finally posted it, sorry it took so long. I'm hoping this is the last time I have to use dialogue from the game, it's hard to rewrite, I want them to say other stuff. Anyway, enjoy, hopefully no mistakes or anything, I checked to make sure, :P

Chapter 2

James turned around quickly. There wasn't much he could do now. The Commander was meeting with the committee and so was Anderson. Kaidan gave James a confused look.

"Why?" Kaidan asked the younger man.

"Oh, no reason, just wondering," James lied. He still wasn't sure what it was he felt. He hadn't really ever felt anything for man before.

Kaidan gave James another look, but said nothing more. He stared at the door to the room Shepard went into. He really had missed him, he was too stubborn to admit it to him, but he did. He wished he could've gone with him on Horizon, but he just didn't trust Cerberus. He had apologized to him though and hoped that it was enough, that maybe he could forgive what he had said. He wanted to be friends at least, if nothing else, that would do.

James shot a look at Kaidan. He had become very quiet, lost in his own thoughts. _He's been staring at that door for a long time,_ James thought, _Should I say something? What could be on his mind? _He shook his head, opened his mouth to speak, but he thought better of it and his mouth closed again.

"There's no point in dwelling on it," Kaidan mumbled to himself.

"What?" James asked.

"Oh, nothing, just thinking out loud," Kaidan told him after a moment.

James was about to ask him something else, but before he could, he heard a really weird noise coming from outside. He took a look outside and swore. A Reaper was coming down from the sky. This was what Shepard had warned them about, the Reapers had reached Earth. He ran from the window seconds before a Reaper beam hit the building and knocked him down to the cold hard floor.

"Shit, shit, shit," Kaidan screamed staring in disbelief at the scene outside. "We have to get to the Normandy."

James got up off the floor, groaning as he did so. He wasn't hurt, but his shoulder was a bit sore. He looked outside once again and saw another beam hit the building. He managed to keep his balance, but it was hard. He heard Kaidan swear as he fell to his knees.

"Let's go," Kaidan said, getting to his feet.

The two men started running down the corridor to the where the landing zone would be. "This is Admiral Anderson, report in, anyone." Kaidan heard over his comm. He stopped for a second before responding. "I read you admiral."

"Major Alenko, is that you?" the Admiral asked over the comm.

"Yes, I'm here sir," Kaidan replied, starting to run again.

"What's your status?"

"James and I are okay," Kaidan told him, trying to keep the fear out of his voice.

"I can't raise the Normandy, you'll have to contact them," Anderson continued.

"Yes sir," Kaidan responded.

"We'll meet you at the landing zone, Anderson out."

"Looks like they're trying to head there too," James said, turning to Kaidan.

"Yeah," Kaidan responded.

The two men continued down the corridor at a fast run. James heard a loud sonic boom and felt another beam crash into the building. _That Reaper is definitely trying to kill us,_ James thought.

"I could do without that damn thing firing at us every five seconds," Kaidan yelled, aggravated.

"We'll be okay, we're almost there," James said, speeding up a bit.

James reached the end of the corridor first and he opened the door out into the landing zone. The Normandy was there, waiting for them to get on board. He ran for the Normandy at a mad dash, getting to the ship just as the ramp lowered to give them access. He scrambled onboard with Kaidan right behind him.

"I have to get to the CIC," Kaidan said, running straight to the lift.

"You do that," James told him, out of breath.

"You're not coming?" Kaidan asked with a look of shock on his face.

"Nah, I'm good right here," James replied, plopping himself down on the deck. "I could use a minute or two to rest."

He was joking with the Major, but the lift doors shut before he could tell him as much. He hoped Shepard was doing okay. He was a little worried about him, but he knew he'd be fine. Shepard was the toughest man he'd ever met, if anyone could survive the arrival of the Reapers, it was him.

"Are you just gonna sit there forever James?" a familiar voice asked him.

"No, I'm not Esteban," he replied a little more loudly than he had intended. He got up just as the ship shuddered, shaking. "Oh great, not this again."

"Not what again?" Steve wanted to know, a little confused.

"Oh nothing."

James started pacing around the shuttle bay, waiting to hear word about Shepard. After a bit, he started to get anxious and headed to the lift. Before he could reach it, the lift opened and Kaidan came running out.

"Shepard's approaching, I'm lowering the ramp now," Joker informed Kaidan over his comm.

The ramp lowered, Kaidan made his way to the edge, pulled out his rifle and covered Shepard as Shepard jumped onto the Normandy. Kaidan reached his arm out and grasped Shepard's arm to steady him. James sighed with relief that Shepard was okay and not dead somewhere.

"Welcome aboard Shepard," Kaidan said with warmth in his voice.

"Thanks," Shepard said tersely.

"Shepard," Anderson called out to him.

"Come on," Shepard urged the Admiral to come aboard.

He looked to the side as an evacuation shuttle arrived moments later. It opened and Shepard could see the brave soldiers onboard. The shuttle maneuvered to land. Shepard was confused. The Admiral wasn't moving an inch.

"I'm not going," the Admiral said. Shepard shook his head disbelieving. "You saw those men back there," The Admiral continued. "There's a million more like them and they need a leader."

"We're in this fight together Anderson," Shepard pleaded with the older man.

"It's a fight we can't win," Anderson said grimly. "Not without help. We need every species and all their ships to even have a chance at defeating the Reapers," he paused for a moment. "Talk to the Council, convince them to help us."

"What if they won't listen," Shepard scoffed.

"Then make them listen," Anderson said forcefully. "Now go, that's an order."

"I don't take orders from you anymore, remember," Shepard reminded him that he'd been relieved of duty.

Anderson pulled Shepard's tags out of his pocket. "Consider yourself reinstated," he threw them to Shepard before adding. "Commander."

Shepard caught his tags and glanced at them sadly. This was probably going to be the last time he saw the Admiral. The last thing he did for him.

"You know what you have to do," Anderson said.

"I'll be back for you and I'll bring every fleet I can," Shepard assured him. "Good luck."

"You too Shepard."

Shepard started to head up the ramp with Kaidan as the Normandy began to leave the harbor. He continued to look out at the evacuation going on below. James stole a quick glance at him. He looked okay, a little scratched up, but more or less okay. Shepard continued to watch and his mouth opened in horror as one of the Reapers opened fire on the evacuation shuttles. He took one last look outside before the ramp finally closed and the Normandy headed for orbit.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: As with the last chapter, I'm sorry for the delay. Things have been hectic lately, I promise to make more of an effort to upload things more often. This one takes less dialogue from the game, I want to not have to use it, but sometimes it just doesn't make sense not to. Please review it after reading it, I want feedback, as long as it's constructive and non-offensive.

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Chapter 3

It was peaceful on the Citadel, a mass delusion really. It was almost enough to make him forget that there was a war on. The war was coming soon though, even to the Citadel. James knew it would, it had to, there wasn't anywhere in the galaxy that was safe from the Reapers. They would soon be there, killing everyone like they did back on Earth.

Hearing footsteps approaching, James turned around. "Hey Commander," he greeted him as he made his way over, a slight smile on his lips. "The council still doesn't seem inclined to help us do they?"

"Yeah," Shepard replied with a hint of anger in his voice.

James shook his head sadly, "How could they, look around at this," he acted as if he was in awe. "There's no war here, it's as if nothing's going on out there."

After a moment's hesitation, Shepard asked, "Is this your first time here?"

"No, I've been to the Citadel, never to the Presidium though, can't say I missed much. This place is so fake, it's almost as if it's a movie set, an illusion" he replied after a moment.

With a grin, agreeing wholeheartedly, Shepard nodded, "Yeah, that was my first thought too. It is a pretty place though. You could forget your troubles here if you wanted to."

"The Council sure has. I mean when push comes to shove, they're here, living their illusions, hoping that it won't all come crashing down."

"They're scared to believe it, part of me doesn't believe it either, part of me hopes it was all a nightmare that I could wake up from," Shepard's eyes welled up with unshed tears. The shock of seeing Kaidan lying there in the bed, the horror on Earth, it all came rushing back to him.

"Yeah," James looked down. "That's what I hate most about this place. It makes you want to forget it, it _insists_ upon it."

Sniffling, trying to prevent the tears from falling, Shepard looked James in the eye, "You still want to go back to Earth don't you?"

"You're damn right I do. I didn't want to leave home like that, but I know we had to. You were right to leave, I know that now," James told him frankly, smiling warmly at him. "Besides, it looks like you're gonna be in for a fight trying to convince these idiots that the only way to save the galaxy is to help us. I'm with you Commander in this, no matter how tough it gets."

Feeling better, Shepard grinned, "I'm glad to hear that James."

"I'm glad you're glad sir," James began. "Anyway I'm gonna head down to one of the bars, this place is too fake for me. If you're up for it, you should join me down there."

"Sounds good to me," Shepard answered honestly, feeling something he didn't expect to feel. He was falling for the younger man. At least he thought he was. He still wasn't quite over Kaidan, he probably never would be, but even so, he felt like he was falling love.

Smiling a bit to himself, James began to make his way over to the lift. After a few seconds, when the Commander was heading over to one of the Citadel embassies, James turned to take one last look at him before he got on the lift. _I hope he's okay, I know how much what happened to Kaidan on Mars must've hurt_, he thought to himself with a frown. The lift stopped at the entrance to purgatory, James stepped out and immediately his Omni-tool chimed for him to return to the Normandy.

"Aw, shit," James muttered to himself as he stepped back into the lift.

He took the lift down to bay D24 where the Normandy was docked. After disembarking, he made his way over to the Normandy's dock. When he was almost at the door leading to the Normandy, he stopped. The view was gorgeous, there were ships in the dock and the light from the nebula beyond cast a purple glow on everything. _I need to tell him,_ James thought sadly,_ I really do_. _I'm falling in love with him. _With a shake of his head, a last look outside, he got onto the Normandy.

Once he was aboard, he immediately took the lift down the Armoury. There was a lot of work to be done, but it could wait. He hadn't gotten a chance to work out today and if he didn't, it would nag at him until he did. He immediately went over to his workstation, jumped up onto the bar and started doing chin-ups. A few minutes passed by and he heard the lift doors open. The commander got off and strode over to him.

"Hey Shepard," James began in greeting. "How's Kaidan?"

"He's still unconscious, but I think he's going to be alright."

"Good to hear," James said, meaning it. He hadn't gotten the chance ask Shepard before and he didn't want to seem like a jerk, so he had decided to as soon as he saw him again.

"I know you probably wanted to meet up at the bar back on the Citadel, but The Council wants us to rescue a Turian Primarch from Palaven."

"Sounds great, Turians, Reapers, just what you'd expect from them I guess," James snorted. "Did you need something Commander?"

"I just came down to talk," Shepard replied, turning away for a second.

"Great," James replied, smiling. "Anything in particular?"

"You, I don't know much about you," Shepard told him frankly.

"Don't you already know my service record?" James grunted, still doing his pushups.

"I don't, I didn't have access to personnel records when we met," Shepard turned to him after taking a few steps away.

"Right, being imprisoned and all. Well…," James jumped down off the bar. He stretched the kinks out of his neck and cracked his knuckles. "Would you care to tango? Not the actual tango," he blushed, quickly correcting himself. "The fighting kind I mean."

"Sure," Shepard got into position. "I love to tango."

James smirked, chuckling a bit at that. He got into position as well and assumed a fighting posture. "Okay Loco. Let's dance.

"Don't push your luck Vega. With age comes wisdom… and rank," Shepard took a swing at him.

James blocked it handily as he did with the second swing. Smiling at him, he said, "Ha! You sound like my old CO." Managing to get in a few punches of his own, which Shepard blocked, James pushed forward.

"Oh yeah, and who was that," Shepard asked, throwing a few punches of his own that James dodged.

"Captain Toni," James began. "He was a hard-assed son of a bitch, but a good leader."

He threw a few more punches at Shepard, but Shepard dodged them before asking, "Was?"

"Died – with most of my squad – protecting a colony from the Collectors," James began to pace around Shepard, forcing him to pace around him before he took a few swings.

Dodging them, Shepard asked, "And the colony?"

"It was either them… or the intel we had on the Collectors – intel we could've used to take them down," James responded, continuing to take swings at the Commander, swings he still dodged. "I chose the intel."

James took another swing at the Commander, one that he had to jump out of the way to dodge. "Sorry, that's a tough call."

The two men continued to stalk one another, waiting for the other to make a move. "What's worse is we didn't even need it in the end. Because you were out there taking them out," James threw another series of punches that Shepard dodged.

"You didn't know. You can't blame yourself," Shepard told him honestly.

"Who says I'm blaming myself," James retorted, taking a few swings.

Dodging them once more, Shepard said, " Just a guess."

With a snort, James responded, "Are you a shrink too?"

Shepard took a few more swings that James dodged, "No. But what you did back on Mars was reckless. You're lucky to be alive."

The two men exchanged a few more blows, each one blocked by the other. "So?" James demanded. "I wasn't trying to get myself killed, that'd be stupid."

"From where I'm standing it looked like you did," Shepard said, his voice going up a bit.

"Or maybe," James took another punch. "I'm just willing to do whatever the fuck it takes to…" he didn't get the chance to finish his sentence. Shepard grabbed him by the arms and tossed him down to the deck.

"Maybe you are," he spoke after a minute. "But if you're half as good as I think you are… I'd like it if you stayed alive."

Getting up, James moved over to stand a few feet from the Commander, "Thanks for the pep talk."

Grinning, Shepard said, "Anytime."

"Hey. Thanks for the dance Loco."

"Loco, huh," he thought it over. "I think I like it."

"Good, 'cause it's definitely true Shepard. You are Loco."

"Alright, I need to head up to the CIC. I'll see you later James," Shepard started to head to the lift.

"See you Loco," James replied before Shepard got to the lift.

Just as the lift doors opened for him, Shepard quickly got on. James heard a chuckle coming from the console on the other side of the room. With a frown James made his way over to where Steve was working away.

"What's so funny?" he demanded.

"You and the Commander, I could feel the sexual tension between you two all the way over here."

With a shake of his head, James replied, "Shut up Esteban."

"Did I hit a nerve?" Steve asked, trying not to laugh.

"No, I just…," James sighed. "I don't know, I think he's still in love with Kaidan."

"So, what harm would it do to ask the Commander out for a drink? Friends do that too you know," Steve smiled, thinking about how much better it'd make James feel.

"Yeah, next time we're on the Citadel, I'll talk to him," James assured him with a grin of his own.

_It's going to be alright_, James thought as he made his way over to his workstation. _I'll tell him how I feel even if he's not over Kaidan, there's no harm in it. Who knows, maybe he'll feel the same about me. Fuck, I hope he does, he's too sexy. I'm definitely in love with that man. Even when he threw me down to the deck, I wanted to reach up and pull him down with me, then kiss him._

"Oh well," James sighed out loud. "I'll have to do that next time then."


	4. Chapter 4

Well, I finally plugged in less of the games dialogue, couldn't dispense with all of it, not yet anyway. I'm gonna make an effort to write more, I need to, it's very therapeutic.

* * *

Chapter 4

As he sat in Purgatory, James became anxious, waiting for Kevin Shepard to finally show up. It seemed like he wasn't going to come like he said he would. James sighed, about ready to give up hope. Even more anxious, his pulse quickening, he looked toward the entrance again. As if on cue, the doors opened and Kevin strode in. A smile instantly appeared on James' lips as his commander began to head in his direction. Not wanting to seem like he was waiting for him, James quickly turned away.

Searching for James, Kevin looked over towards the bar and found him sitting with a beer in his hand. For a minute it had looked like James was anxiously waiting for him to come, but then James turned away as if he didn't care that he was there. Part of him, really, most of him hoped James had been waiting. It had given him hope, but the turning away seemed a bit of an asshole move. Unsure, Kevin leaned on the bar.

Turning, James regarded him with a slight, but noticeable smile on his lips, "Hey Commander."

Not expecting the nonchalant way he said it, but nevertheless grateful for the smile, no matter how slight it was, Kevin said, "Hey James."

James smiled for real this time, warmly, enough to make Shepard melt. It had been what he wanted, but part of him was still unsure of it all, he didn't know if James felt the way he did or not. It confused him, sometimes it seemed like James couldn't care at all about him, others it seemed like all James cared about was him. As if he was the only man in the room.

"It's nice to see you finally decided to show up," James said rather sharply, much more than he had intended. Once the words were out of his mouth, he regretted the harshness in his tone. It wasn't what he had wanted.

Crossing his arms, Shepard asked hurt, "You actually didn't think I was going to come?"

"Whoa now, come on," James began, wrapping his arm around Shepard's shoulder. "I didn't mean to make it sound like that."

A look of shock plainly on his face, Shepard was completely speechless. James had just wrapped his arm around him, a gesture only a boyfriend would normally do. _So there was hope after all, maybe we really could be more than just friends. _Not really knowing was the hard part, Shepard just wasn't sure if James wanted the same thing that he wanted.

"Uh, huh, so what did you mean it to sound like?" Shepard wondered.

"I…, I meant..., that is to say, I tried to…," James trailed off, at a sudden loss for words.

With a shake of his head, his arm falling limply at his side, he sighed. He didn't know what he had meant, but he knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to say that he had wanted him to come, that he was glad that he was here. But the words just wouldn't come out.

Breaking the silence, Shepard grinned at James, "You can't think of what to say huh?"

"No, I can't," James sighed again as he looked across the bar at some marines on the other side enjoying themselves. "You see those guys over there, they're marines, soldiers like me."

"Yeah."

"They've been buying me drinks all night," James continued, thinking on the fly. "You know why? Same reason they've been so quiet since you walked in."

A little confused, Shepard shook his head, "You don't seem to be like that around me."

"That's 'cause I've gotten to know you."

_And love you. _It was the truth – the unspoken part, the one part he left out – but it was the most important part. It frustrated James. He just couldn't say it, those three little words just wouldn't come out. The words he wanted to say more than anything. The words he wanted to hear Shepard say.

"And they don't know me," Shepard nodded. It made sense, if they had known him, they wouldn't feel the same way.

"No, they don't, not the way _I_ do," James responded, wondering if Shepard would understand what he was trying to say.

"And what way is that?"

_Like a man who is in love with you_. James wanted to say, but instead he said, "Like your crewmember, the man who's got your back."

"Oh," Shepard sighed, wanting him to say something else. "Yeah, I suppose they wouldn't. They don't know me at all."

"No, but you could change that," James began, trying not to say what he really wanted to. "Buy them all drinks."

Thinking it over for a second, Shepard said, "Good idea James."

"Hey dudes," James called over to them. "Shepard would like you to get drunk! So here's to us!"

"Who's like us," one of the marines saluted.

"Damn few. And they're all dead!" Shepard replied, saluting as well.

The marines came over to them. One of them shook Shepard's hand and said, "It's an honor meeting you, Commander."

"Thanks, but this isn't a one man show, we're all in this, we all have to fight."

"True, cheers," one of the other marines said as she held her glass up.

"Cheers," Shepard nodded as the marines departed.

"I was hoping you would know that one," James said shooting Shepard another warm smile.

"Of course I would. I was a soldier, just like you," Shepard reminded him.

"Oh, I know you were," James told him honestly. It seemed no matter how hard he tried he was always putting his foot in his mouth. "Thanks for the drink, Commander."

"Are you being apologetic?" Shepard asked, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Yeah, kinda," James replied, scratching the side of his head. "I guess, I mean, I've been saying some stupid shit tonight."

Agreeing, Shepard said with a laugh, "Yeah, you have."

"I know, I'm sorry," James turned away for a second before continuing. "I wish I could tell you why though."

Nodding, thinking he already knows the answer, Shepard responded, "Me too."

"You do?" James asked, confusedly.

"Yeah, but I get the feeling you won't," Shepard told him frankly.

Taken aback, James looked away again. When he turned back, Shepard could see the hurt in his eyes. "I'm sorry, thanks again for the drink though."

"Your welcome," Shepard said, making his way for the exit, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry too."

Mortified by what he said, James stared after him. It wasn't as if he didn't like him, he was crazy about him, but he just couldn't say it. He hoped that Shepard would see that, would know that he cared about him.

When he got to the door, Shepard turned again to look at James. He was looking right at him with a frown on his face. The younger man was hurting, that much he was sure of. Shepard had wanted to say so much more to him, he wanted to tell James that he felt the same way that he suspected that he felt. The love for him was still there. It wasn't hurt by what had happened, not in the least. In a way, it had grown. After a few moments, Shepard strode through the doors as they opened, disappearing from James' view.

As soon as the doors to Purgatory closed behind Shepard, James turned back to his drink, tears forming in his eyes. He hadn't wanted the evening to end like that – it had been all too embarrassing – something a kid would do with their high school sweetheart, not a grown man. Kicking himself mentally, disappointed in himself, James took a drink of his beer. The truth was James had always had a hard time telling people how he felt. It was just one of those things that don't come with a manual, feelings, he just didn't understand his at all.

_I just hope I didn't just ruin whatever chance I had with him. I hope I get another opportunity to tell him how I feel. I'm in love with him, I hope he can see that in some way at least. Even if I did just screw it all up, he has to know._


	5. Chapter 5

No game dialogue at all finally, I wrote this awhile back, just never posted it.

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Chapter 5

Hitting the send button, James sighed with relief. He had finally worked up the courage to talk to Shepard about how he felt about him and requested that he speak with him in his private cabin when he was free. Just moments after he sent the message, Shepard sent a reply saying that he would like to talk now. With a smile on his face, he quickly pulled one of his more dressier shirts on as he headed for the lift.

His hand shaking, he pushed the button for Shepard's private cabin. The lift doors shut quickly and the lift ascended up to the cabin at the top. Sweating, waiting, James sighed as the doors opened up into the cabin's antechamber. On the other side, the doors quickly slid apart as Shepard strode through them.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming," Shepard said when he saw James.

"No, I was coming, you're just impatient is all," James replied, teasing Shepard.

"You look good James," Shepard told him, ignoring the joke.

Grinning, James indicated Shepard's leather N7 jacket, "You do too Shepard."

"Thanks," Shepard began, smiling. "But please James, call me Kevin."

"Okay, Kevin," James responded, relaxing a bit.

Motioning to the door, Shepard said with a laugh, "Shall we head inside, or do you wanna stand here all night?"

Chuckling, James said, "No, I think we should go in."

Laughing again, Shepard turned towards the still open door and headed back inside his cabin. A few seconds later, James followed him in. The cabin was rather large and aesthetically pleasing - the kind of thing you'd expect for the commanding officer of a ship like the Normandy. Motioning for James to follow, Shepard headed for the sofa on the other side of the bed. Without a word, he sat down on one end and James sat down beside him.

"What did you want to talk about?" Shepard asked, making eye contact.

"Well," James began, hesitating. "I wanted to apologize again for what I had happened while we were in Purgatory. I didn't mean to hurt you and I hope…"

Putting a hand on his arm, Shepard interrupted him. "There's no need to apologize James. I know you weren't trying to hurt me."

With a nod, sniffling, wiping away tears he didn't know were there, James let out a laugh. "I guess you've got a tougher skin than that huh?"

"Well, you kind of have to if you're the man who has to save the whole galaxy," Shepard laughed.

"Yeah, you got that right I guess."

"Yep," Shepard patted James' arm. "I get the feeling there's more you wanted to say though. Am I right?"

"Yeah," James said, frowning, not knowing where to begin. "There is and it's not easy for me."

"Well, take your time," Shepard encouraged him, patting him on the back.

James began to shake, anxious to just get it out, "I…, I…, I love you," he stuttered. "I mean I'm in love _with_ you. I'm so madly in love with you, I can't even stand it. I can't sleep, I can't breathe, every time I close my eyes I see you, over and over."

A stunned look appeared on Shepard's face, he hadn't expected James to blurt it all out like that. He loved him as well, but he wasn't sure if the younger man felt the same about him. It wasn't like he wasn't hoping that he felt the same, he did hope that he did, he wasn't sure of it though.

Regaining his composure, Shepard pulled James into a hug. "I love you too James," he paused to take a deep breath, "I have been since the day we met."

"You have?" James asked, shock on his face.

"Yeah, of course I have, you're an amazing man," Shepard assured him, hugging him tighter. "How could I not fall for you?"

Considering what he said for a moment, he said, "That's a relief, I was so afraid you wouldn't love me."

"I love you James, I really do," Shepard responded with a sigh.

A thought occurring to him, James froze, "What about Kaidan?"

"What about him?" Shepard asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Weren't you in love with him?"

"Yeah, I was in love with him, we were a couple," Shepard confirmed. "But we're not anymore. I still feel something for him, I suppose I always will, but it's not love, not the same as it is with you."

"But what if it is?" James demanded, tears forming in his eyes. "What if you find out you love him more than you love me?"

"That's not going to happen, I love you James."

Snorting derisively, James got up, "I have to go. I'll see you around, Shepard."

Closing his eyes, Shepard sighed, lowering his head. James calling him by his last name after he told him not to hurt him as much as it would have if he had stabbed him in the heart. It felt like his whole world was crashing down.

"Please don't," Shepard said as he got up to stop him. "I'm sorry, I love you James, not Kaidan."

Stopping at the door, shaking his head, James turned, "I'm sorry Kevin, I know you do love me, but I'm just…, afraid. This is all so new to me."

"I know it is," Shepard sat down as he motioned for James to come back. "But there's nothing to be afraid of, I'm not going to hurt you."

Coming back over to the sofa, James sat back down, "I know you won't Kevin, I was just afraid you would."

"I won't, don't worry," Shepard took James in his arms. "I love you."

"I love you too," James said as he snuggled into Shepard's shoulder.

For the first time in his life, James felt safe there in Shepard's arms. It wasn't like all those times he had been in the arms of his old girlfriends, he hadn't felt safe then, at least not in the same way he did now. It was a different feeling being there in the arms of the man you loved, it felt so right, so safe. It wasn't like being in the arms of his girlfriends felt wrong, it just didn't feel right and it had left him empty somehow. Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply, breathing in the scent of his lover, a smile on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

Well, here it is, Chapter 6, I made this one up completely, yay me, no dialogue from the game! Sorry for the late update, I've been writing more of the story actually, I just finished Chapter 9. Oh, and once again, please review the chapter, even if you hate it.

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Chapter 6

Thoughts were running through James' head as he stood in the cargo bay. Too many thoughts to keep track of, doubts mostly, doubts about himself, about whether or not he was good enough for Shepard. It was the one question on his mind ever since he went up to Shepard's cabin. It had been a few days since then, since he saw Shepard last. He knew he wasn't avoiding him, Shepard wasn't like that and neither was James. Shepard was just busy trying to get ready for the next mission. The Asari Government had requested that the crew of the Normandy respond to a distress call in the Nimbus Cluster.

Another thought popped into his head – the same thought that had plagued him in Shepard's cabin, the one that had nearly ruined any hope of ever being together. What about Kaidan? Is Shepard over him, or does he still love him more than ever. It broke his heart to think about him still loving Kaidan. It made him wonder if Shepard was trying too hard to move on, too hard to get over him. The question wasn't going to answer itself no matter how hard he wanted it to, he was going to have to find out one way or the other.

Making up his mind, knowing exactly what he had to do, James made his way to the lift. There was one person he could talk to that would know: Kaidan. The man who made him question, the man with the answer. It was a short trip up to the Crew Deck, lonely and silent.

The lift doors opened out onto the deck with the memorial wall in front of it. Hesitating for a moment, trying to figure out what he would say, James hurried out of the lift. Thoughts still running through his mind, he turned left. The door to Kaidan's room was right in front of him – if you could call the lounge that, but it fit somehow, a room all to himself. Gathering his courage, he strode through the doors as they opened.

"Hey James," Kaidan said, turning to see who entered the room. "Do you need something?"

Freezing for a minute, speechless, James finally said, "Hey Kaidan, we need to talk."

"Okay, what about?" Kaidan asked, confused.

"Shepard," James told him frankly.

Kaidan looked down as soon as that one word was out of the younger man's mouth. It was the one subject that could make him freeze in an instant, especially after what happened on The Citadel. He had held a gun up to him, the man he used to love. He had done that, it was horrible and so much could have gone wrong. With a sigh, Kaidan replied, "Okay, James, go ahead."

"Are you still in love with him?" James demanded, afraid to hear the answer.

"Yes, I am. I always will be I guess," Kaidan began, hurt in his voice. "But he's not in love with me, he's in love with you."

Feeling like he'd been slapped across the face, stunned to hear Kaidan say it, James' gasped, "Really? I mean, he is really in love with me, isn't he?"

"Yes, of course he is," Kaidan continued. "I see it in his eyes whenever he looks at you."

"I'm in love with him too, but I don't know."

"What don't you know?" Kaidan asked incredulously.

"I don't know if I'm right for him," James said with a sigh.

Surprised at the younger man's words, Kaidan said, "You don't always fall for who's right for you." It was the same thing he felt when he fell for Shepard – that they weren't right for one another.

"I know that," James began, frowning, turning away. "But I don't want to hurt him, he has enough hurt in his life as it is."

"Look James, either go for it, or don't," Kaidan responded. "Just _do _something."

With a deep breath, James made his way for the door, "Okay Kaidan, thanks."

James returned to the cargo bay, still doubting himself. It wasn't the whole Kaidan question he was worried about, but whether or not he was actually good enough for Shepard. Shepard was an incredible, kind-hearted man who had saved so many people – a true hero – and James was a messed up guy from San Diego.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked as James passed by him.

It was a very good question, what was really wrong. Shepard told him he loved him, he really had, but was it enough. _Everything's wrong, I'm wrong._

"Nothing," James lied, simply brushing the question off, ignoring it.

Most people would've accepted that as being the truth, but not Steve, he knew James better than that. "No, it's not nothing, something's bothering you, I can tell."

After a moment, James gave in, "Alright, it's Shepard okay."

Steve suspected as much, "Okay, what about him?"

"Well, I told him I loved him," James confessed, turning to face Steve.

"And?" Steve asked patiently.

"And he told me he loved me, but I don't know if we'll work out."

With a knowing smile, Steve said, "How do you know unless you try?"

"I know," James said with tears in his eyes. "I'm not good enough for him."

Dumbfounded, Steve demanded, "What do you mean, you're perfect for him?!"

With a snort, James retorted, "No, I'm not, he's a fucking war hero, the man who survived the Skyllian Blitz. His mother's a decorated admiral. And to top it all off, he's one of the most talented biotics in the galaxy!"

"It doesn't matter, you _are _good enough for him."

"I don't…, I don't know," James sighed, frowning.

With a shake of his head, Steve turned away for a second. When he turned back, tears were rolling down his face. "It doesn't matter if you don't know, you still have to do something. You can't let this chance pass you by. Do you know how much I wish I were you right now, falling for the man you love, getting the chance to be with him, but I'm not going to. The man I love is dead. I would give anything to be able to see him again and here you are, throwing away the chance you have to be with the man you love."

"I'm so sorry Esteban," James looked down, tears falling down his cheeks. "I know how much losing Robert hurt you. You're right, I should take this chance to be with him, no matter what might happen."

After an uncomfortable silence settled over them, James strode over to his workbench. He could barely believe it took so long to finally make him see what he should've seen all along. He was the right man for Shepard, no matter what. The doubts were still there, but he pushed them to the back of his mind. His head clear, he wrote another message to Shepard asking him if he wanted to meet up on The Citadel the next time the Normandy docked there. He tried to make the message sound as nonchalant as he could, but he still feared he seemed clingy or desperate, he knew he didn't, but it was still there, yet another doubt.


	7. Chapter 7

I finally decided to post this, sorry it took so long, I've been busy to be honest. I need to get started on Chapter 11, well, technically. I'm going to split the story into two, you'll see why later. Anyway, please review it if you read it, I like feedback.

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Chapter 7

Before James had sent his message, Shepard was beginning to fear that James was trying to avoid him. It was a disconcerting enough proposition that the man you love could be avoiding you, but if you combine that with the real possibility that you might not live long enough to find out, well, that was even worse. So when James sent the message it made Shepard feel so much better.

_So why are my hands shaking? Why am I out of breath? Does my heart always beat this fast? What's wrong with me?_

Shepard got to place on the Citadel where James had wanted to meet him, a small cafe out of the way on the opposite end of the Presidium, far from all the shops. James was already there waiting for him with a full bottle of wine and two glasses in front of him. From what Shepard could tell, James looked happy, or maybe he was excited, he couldn't tell which.

"Hey James," Shepard greeted him with a smile as he sat down.

"Hey you," James grinned back. "I'm glad you're here. I missed you."

It was the truth, the honest truth, James was very happy Shepard was there, so was Shepard. The two hadn't really talked since that night in Shepard's cabin and there were so many unanswered questions running through both their minds. Unsure of himself, Shepard reached out his hand to James. James gladly took his hand in his and squeezed it. "I missed you too."

"You know, I don't think we got the chance to really talk since that night in your cabin," James told him. "I think we're due for a good chat."

Nodding at that, Shepard said, "Yeah, after everything that's been going on, we really need to talk."

"Especially after what you did on that last mission," James began. "Please, never do that again. You scare the hell out of me with those crazy stunts of yours Kevin."

"Come on James. Crazy stunts are what I do, I'm loco remember."

"Yeah, you got that right," James grinned. "It scares me, but I guess it's also part of what I love about you."

"Oh really?"

"Really," James confirmed. "It also makes me wonder what else is out there…, or you know, right under our noses."

"Really, like what?" Shepard asked, bemused.

A slight chuckle escaping his lips, James replied, "I don't know, that's kinda the point, you know, of wondering what else is out there, you can never truly know."

The Leviathan had been one of those things, something lost out there in the deep and cold, trying to disappear, doing everything to make sure it was never found. Now that Shepard had found it and the rest of its people, he knew why it didn't want to be found. The Leviathans had created the Reapers, had been betrayed by them in the same way all synthetic life betrayed its creators. The whole encounter had left Shepard cold, it had been dark, but he wasn't afraid, he convinced them to join the war. "That's true, I guess, but I kind of wish we could know, especially if it's anything like Leviathan."

Taking his hand in his once more, James asked, "What was it like down there? What did you feel?"

Shuddering involuntarily as if the cold feeling had come back, Shepard whispered, "It was cold, dark, everything that Dr. Bryson had said it had been."

"Are you okay?" James sensed something was terribly wrong. It was in the tone of Shepard's voice, the way his voice lowered when he spoke about it, the look in his eyes.

Voice still barely above a whisper, a haunted look in his eyes, Shepard sighed, "I don't know, it was terrifying. But at the same time it was fascinating. It was as if a part of me knew I was going to be fine, that it was all going to work out."

"It was terrifying for me too. When you went under the water in that thing, I was so afraid you weren't going to come back. I can't even think of what I would do if you didn't," James frowned. "But you did come back and everything's fine."

With all that had happened recently – the chat he had with Steve, what that chat meant, what he learned – James knew that he would've missed his chance at love if Shepard didn't come back, that he would feel the same way that Steve had after losing Robert, that life wasn't worth living anymore. It was horrible to think about, but James knew he wouldn't go on living, not truly living anyway, not without Shepard and dying at the hand of the Reapers on that world wouldn't seem so bad if he had lost him.

"You're right, everything is fine, I did come back," Shepard smiled. "There's no point in dwelling on it. We have to live in the present, as if today is our last day. So let's have our date."

It made sense, everything was fine, James had his chance to do things right, to finally make up for it all. Life was what you made it, there was only tomorrow, yesterday was dead. The events on 2181 Despoina had made him realize that he could actually lose Shepard, that the man wasn't immortal.

"You know, we should," James nodded in agreement as he reached over to grab the bottle of wine. "Let's have a drink."

James poured one for Shepard, then another for himself. Taking the glass from James, Shepard sipped it, a smile on his face, "You know, this is probably the best wine I've ever tasted."

Sipping his own, James smiled back, "Me too Kevin, but I think the company might have more to do with it though."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," James smirked. "You make me smile."

"You make me smile too James," Shepard began. "I'm really glad I found you."

Tears in his eyes, James replied, "Me too, Kevin, me too."


	8. Chapter 8

Well, here it is, the scene in the cabin. I hope it's okay, I tried my best.

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Chapter 8

Going over the battle data again, waiting for the call, Shepard wondered if it was all going to go to hell or if somehow, he could pull off the fight of his life. It had been a long time coming, but it was time to take the fight to the enemy – The Illusive Man and the Reapers. He had been waiting for this for so long, the chance to finally retake his home from those murderous, genocidal bastards. Exasperated, rolling his eyes, he strode towards the door. It opened at his approach revealing James on the other side heading in his direction.

"Can't sleep either?" James asked him.

Shaking his head, stepping aside so James could enter, Shepard replied, "No."

"Going over that over and over again isn't going to help," James indicated the datapad he was reading. "You should relax."

"I can't," Shepard sighed, "What if something goes wrong?"

Putting a hand to Shepard's lips to silence him, James said, "It won't, we'll get through this. It'll all work out."

"But what if it doesn't?" Shepard insisted.

"You've done everything you could to make sure that it does, you have to believe that."

"Have I?" Shepard began. "I mean, sure, I've gathered together the largest fleet in history, but it is it really _enough_?"

"It is Kevin," James assured him. "It's more than enough."

"I hope you're right," Shepard sighed. "I really do."

"I am Kevin, you know I am," James took his hand in his. "I'd never lie to you."

"I know, it's just, well, I wish we had more time," Shepard sighed deeply.

"It'll be okay, I promise," James caressed his cheek. "You need to relax."

"What I need is you, James," Shepard said as he kissed him.

Kissing him back, James pulled Shepard into a hug, "You know, I didn't just come here to check on you."

"Well, what did you come here for?" Shepard demanded in a joking tone of voice.

"We could be dead tomorrow you know," James explained. "And I don't want to regret never having the chance to be with you."

James' thoughts mirroring his own, Shepard led James to his bed, "I don't want to regret that either James, you mean too much to me."

Pushing Shepard down onto the bed, James began to kiss his neck, "You mean a lot to me too Kevin."

"You wanna do this?" Shepard kissed James' cheek.

"Yeah, I do," James tugged at Shepard's shirt.

"Okay," Shepard took off his shirt as James began to run kisses up and down his stomach.

Tugging on James' own shirt, Shepard quickly pulled it off him and began to kiss his chest. Moaning as Shepard continued to kiss him, James ran his hands along Shepard's stomach down to his pants. Shepard ran his own hands down James' body until he hit the top of his pants as well. _This is it_, James thought to himself. _This is really happening. _With one fluid motion, both men tugged the zippers down on their pants and quickly pulled them off until all that remained of their clothing was their underwear.

Content to continue with the foreplay, Shepard lightly slapped one of James' tight ass cheeks. James grinned as he kissed Shepard passionately, even more aroused than before. _This is incredible, it really is – he's amazing, fuck, I wish I had met him before. _Kissing him back, Shepard pulled him closer to him. With a grin, James pulled Shepard's underwear off. Smiling in return, Shepard pulled James' underwear off as well. Aroused, ready to make love, the two men took in what the other looked like naked for a moment before continuing. _Fuck,_ _he's even more gorgeous than I thought he would be, _James thought, admiring Shepard's body, his growing erection in particular.

Sucking in a breath, Shepard rolled James over onto his back as he stared at his huge cock, "You ready James?"

"Yeah," James said as he lifted his legs into the air, giving Shepard access to his ass.

"No, not that, not yet," Shepard told him as he took James' dick into his hand. "This." He started to lick the tip of James' cock, teasing him with his tongue.

"Oh fuck!" James sighed, the feeling of Shepard's tongue on his cock driving him wild.

Shepard continued to run his tongue along the tip of James' cock before he put his lips over the tip. Slowly, he took his cock into his mouth, driving James even crazier. He took it all the way down to the base, as far as it could fit. James moaned with pleasure and gently placed both hands on Shepard's head, holding him in place while he sucked his cock. Shepard could taste pre-cum, it wasn't much, but he knew James was getting close.

"Okay, enough of that," Shepard said, pulling his mouth away, stroking his own cock. "You ready James?"

"Yeah," James said again, repositioning himself as Shepard licked his cock again.

Still stroking his own cock with one hand, Shepard took the bottle of lube he'd just purchased on The Citadel for the occasion and squirted some into his other hand. Slowly, he smeared it on James' hole and pushed his finger into it, softening it, letting the lube do its work. He quickly inserted another finger, eliciting a gasp from James as he began to feel the pleasure flow through him. As James began to get used to the presence of Shepard's fingers in his ass, Shepard pushed in and out again, eliciting a soft moan.

Confident that James was ready, Shepard lubed up his throbbing erection and slammed it into James. With a cry of ecstasy, James moved his hips backward as Shepard thrust into him again and again, his dick rock-hard.

"You like that don't you?" Shepard slammed into him again. "You like how that feels don't you? You like my dick in there."

"Oh fuck yes," James said breathlessly.

Shepard slammed into him again, even harder than before. With a moan, James began to pinch his nipples, letting the pleasure overtake him as he moved his hand up and down his throbbing erection. James was on the edge, his mind concentrating on one thing, the inevitable release, but before he fell over the edge, Shepard pulled out.

"What the fuck are you doing?" James demanded, his hand frozen on his cock. "I was so close!"

"That's the point," Shepard told him. "I don't want you to do that yet. I want you to fuck me first, then you can do that."

Grinning, James lubed up his finger as Shepard turned his ass towards him and started to fuck him with it. Moaning, utterly breathless, Shepard grabbed his hand. "That's enough James, I'm ready. Fuck me! That's an order Lieutenant."

Unable to ignore an order like that, James plowed into Shepard's hole, making him gasp. Grinning, Shepard turned to him and James kissed him on the lips passionately. James thrust into Shepard again, even harder and Shepard put his hand up indicating for him to stop. Silently, Shepard rolled over onto his back and lifted his legs. James plowed into Shepard again and leaned forward to kiss him as he fucked him. Wrapping his arms around his neck, Shepard pulled James closer to him, wanting him to fuck him harder.

"Oh fuck, that feels so good!" Shepard breathed, beads of sweat forming on his brow.

James grabbed onto Shepard's cock and moved his hand up and down along it as he continued to fuck him, driving Shepard crazy. Nearly over the edge himself, James closed his eyes, sighing as he pulled out before slamming right back into Shepard's ass. Almost there, Shepard pushed his ass into James' thrust, gasping, barely able to take anymore. With a final thrust, James finally came deep inside Shepard's ass. Feeling James' cock release as he came inside him, Shepard came on his sweat covered stomach.

"Oh fuck that felt good," James gasped, pulling out of Shepard's ass.

"You're telling me," Shepard said, running his hand over his sweaty abs.

"Here, let me," James knelt towards him and began to lick Shepard's stomach clean, making him moan again. "There, all cleaned up."

"Yeah, except the mess you left in my ass."

"You know, we should probably go bathe or something," James said as he got up.

"Yeah, we should," Shepard made his way over to his bathroom. When he was at the door, he turned towards James. "Or, you know, we could fuck again."

"I'd love to fuck you in the shower," James grinned.

"Then let's go, that's an order Lieutenant."

"Why you gotta do that sir, you know I can't say no to you," James teased, following Shepard into the bathroom where he once again made love to him.

* * *

Exhausted after their lovemaking, still lying in James' arms, Shepard awoke with a start. He had that dream again, that damn dream, only this time it was different. He caught up to the child only for him to run into another Shepard's arms, as strange as it was, then for them to burn as if fired on by a Reaper. Was it really just a dream though, or was it in strange way a premonition of what's to come. _Am I going to die? Nah, it was just a dream, at least I hope it was._

He took a glance over his shoulder at James. He was asleep, his body still. His eyes lingered there for a few moments, enjoying what he saw before he looked out the window in the ceiling of his cabin. Stars were zooming by quickly as the Normandy continued to travel faster than light. Turning away, troubled by his thoughts, Shepard carefully sat up. James let go of Shepard and rolled over onto his back.

Taking a deep breath, rubbing his fingers over his eyes, James asked in a raspy voice, "What's up?"

His eyes at the floor, Shepard said, "Are we gonna be alright James, I mean, really alright?"

"Yeah, we're going to be fine," James assured him. "Because of you. You've brought hope to everyone, everywhere."

"I need hope too James," Shepard put his hand on James' cheek. "You're right, give us hope and a fighting chance. Hell, the reapers better watch the fuck out." He slowly ran his hand down James' neck to his chest before he lightly lifted James' chin and leaned in for a kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The shuttle arrived at the FOB to drop off Shepard's squad. Shepard told his squad – Kaidan and James – to go on ahead. James left the room the shuttle dropped them off in and took up position near some marines outside. This fight was a long time coming, it had taken a lot preparation, but it seemed as if they were going to beat the odds. Able to catch his breath for the first time since Steve had dropped them off, James thought back to what had happened at The Illusive Man's base, more specifically what Shepard had found out about his reconstruction: he had been clinically brain dead. It broke James' heart when Shepard had heard it and said that maybe he was just a VI that thought it was Commander Kevin Shepard. James knew Shepard was so much more than that – he was real – he couldn't be anything but real.

James heard a noise come from behind him and turned to watch the doors open as Shepard strode confidently towards him, a grin forming on his face.

"You ready for this James?" Shepard asked as he hugged him.

"Yeah, I sure am," James began. "But first, I wanna let you know that I've been thinking and well, you're you Shepard, there's no way you're a fucking VI."

Smiling warmly, Shepard responded, "I know James, I know. I thought differently at the time, I doubted myself, but I don't anymore."

"Good," James grinned back, before his grin turned to a frown. "This isn't right Shepard. This place doesn't look like home anymore."

"Yeah, it doesn't. But this is only temporary, you'll see. We'll rebuild it better than before," Shepard indicated the battle scarred city around them.

"I hope so."

"It'll be okay James," Shepard assured him again.

"Well, I guess this it, one last push, one last fight, we know this is goodbye," James said with a frown.

"No," Shepard came closer to him. "When this is over, I'm going to be waiting for you. You better be there James."

"You know I'm going to fight like hell for the chance to hold you again, but there's something I want you to know: you mean the world to me. I don't want to lose you, but I'm scared I will, please fight for me, don't die."

Tears formed in Shepard's eyes. "I won't die on you, I promise."

"You better not," James said trying his best to smile. "It'd be the worst breakup ever."

"Well, I guess that's it," Shepard began as he turned to leave. "Take care Lieutenant."

Shepard slowly headed away from James, but James pulled him into a hug before he could get away and kissed him passionately. James breathed deeply once the kiss was broken, "Come back to me."

"I will," Shepard said as he slowly walked away. "I promise."

* * *

Running, it seemed to be all Shepard did, away from the Reapers, to save his friends, on the ship, he seemed to always be running. It was this time though that it felt like he was running forever and never reaching the thing he was trying to reach: the conduit. Without warning, one of the Makos exploded in front of him as Harbinger fired on it. Shepard skidded to a halt as the Mako fell in front of him. He turned to see his friends struggling to catch up to him. The reaper fired again and a second Mako flew up into the air to land with its nose up in the air inches from his squadmates – James and Kaidan, the two men he loved most. The Mako crashed to the ground where the two men had been standing and exploded. Shepard's heart broke as he ran frantically towards the fallen Mako, his worst fears realized. But when he got there, the two men were wounded, not dead. He grabbed James by the shoulders and helped him over to the Mako with Kaidan following behind. He gently lowered James to the ground and James nodded silently that he was okay.

"Normandy, do you copy? I need an evac. Right now!" he yelled into his communicator. He had almost lost James once on Thessia and Kaidan nearly died on Mars, there was no way he was losing them now.

For what seemed like an eternity there was no answer, but then Joker's voice came over the comm. "We're on our way Commander."

The Normandy came down from the sky as the Reaper continued to fire its deadly beams at the soldiers running towards the conduit. The Reaper hit the ground behind the Mako, shaking the ground all around them. The Normandy landed in front of them, its shuttle bay doors opening as it did so.

"Come on," Shepard said as he helped James run towards the Normandy. There were more explosions around them as the Reaper continued to fire at them.

"Here… Take him…" Shepard told Kaidan when the squad reached the Normandy.

"Kevin!" James cried as Kaidan put James' arm around his shoulder to help him stand.

"You have to get out of here."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen," James responded insistently.

"Don't argue with me, James," Shepard said sternly.

"Don't leave me behind," James pleaded. "Please."

"No matter what happens," Shepard began as he headed towards him. "Know that I love you, always." He gently put his hand on his cheek.

"I love you, too," James told him, gasping for air. "Be careful."

Shepard slowly backed away from him and turned to face Harbinger. "Go!" Shepard yelled as he turned back to his friends, gesturing at them to leave.

James watched helplessly as Shepard turned away and began to run again towards the beam. Kaidan helped James up the ramp of the shuttle bay and the Normandy began to lift off as the doors shut leaving Shepard behind on the ground. The Normandy quickly flew away from the range of the Reaper as it continued to concentrate its fire on the ground forces. As he continued to run towards the conduit, Shepard was hit full on by the Reapers' beam while it continued its vicious assault on the ground forces, knocking him down.


	10. Chapter 10

Well, here it is, the end of the road.

Chapter 10

"I'm fine Kaidan, I'm fine," James insisted over and over again as Kaidan led him into the med-bay. He really hadn't liked the idea of leaving Shepard behind and all he wanted to do at that moment was go up to the CIC to wait for news on Shepard.

"No, you're not. A Mako exploded right in front of us both," Kaidan told him as he helped him up onto a bed. It was an understatement if there ever was one – the two men were lucky to be alive after what had happened.

"Then slap some medi-gel on me and let me go!"

"You're wounded James," Dr. Chakwas said calmly. "You need to stay here and let me assess your injuries."

"I don't care, I need to find out if he's okay."

"I'm worried about him too James," Kaidan said with a sigh. "But you're badly hurt."

With a shake of his head, not at all happy with the situation, James removed his armor. Luckily for him the bulk of his injuries were relatively superficial and the Doctor was able to quickly treat most of them, except for the leg, which would require more time to recover. Short of keeping him there in a splint, the only alternative was to give him a simple painkiller, which would allow him to leave the med-bay.

"Alright, I see no reason to keep you here," she began after administering a sufficient dose. "But I want you to come down here if that leg starts hurting again."

"Sure thing doc," James swung his legs over the bed. Afraid that she might change her mind, James hurried out of the med-bay allowing Doctor Chakwas to treat Kaidan.

He quickly headed up to the CIC anxious to find out if Shepard had made it. As soon as he arrived, he saw the state of panic everyone was in. The Citadel was firing a red beam of energy that was quickly turning into a massive wave. Before he could do anything, before he could even breathe, the Normandy turned hard to port, preparing to escape the system.

"What the fuck is going on?" James demanded as he ran up to Liara. "Why are we leaving? Shepard's still over there!"

"Hackett's ordered the fleet to leave the system James," Liara whispered. "I don't like it any more than you do, but we have to go."

The Normandy headed towards the Sol System's Mass Relay as the energy wave continued to expand, enveloping Earth. A few minutes later, the ship entered the relay and began to travel through it.

"Ah, guys, I think we have a problem," Joker turned in his seat to face Liara. "That energy wave's heading towards us through the Relay."

"What?"

"Yeah, it's about overtake us, there's nothing I can do."

"All hands, brace for impact!" Liara grabbed onto something right before the wave slammed into them.

The wave threw the Normandy out of the Mass Effect field into the gravity well of a planet. "Oh fuck," James yelled.

"What the shit?" Joker said. "I can't get us out of this gravity well, we're going down!"

"Joker, try landing the ship!"

"Easier said than done, we're crashing!" Joker hit a few buttons on his console. "Wait, I can stabilize us so we won't impact at the angle we're about to impact at. There, that should do it, but we're still coming in faster than I'd like."

"At least we won't crash anymore," Liara turned to EDI. "EDI, try finding out where we are."

EDI wouldn't respond or move, Liara waited a few moments, but she wasn't doing anything. "EDI?" she asked again. "EDI! Joker, there's something wrong with EDI."

"EDI?" Joker called out, "EDI, come on!"

"Never mind her, we have to make sure we don't crash!" James yelled as he watched the ground quickly coming towards them.

"We're not going to!"

The words were barely out of his mouth before the Normandy crash-landed on the unknown world that had come out of nowhere. The ship screeched to a halt half a kilometer from where it had slammed into the ground. The impact of which knocked James off his feet. James had just enough time to yelp as he fell to the deck, his head connecting with the cold hard floor, blood in his eyes, his world going dark.

* * *

With a start, James woke up from what had seemed like a deep sleep. He got up from the floor, his head pounding. Had it all been a dream, could it all somehow have just been a dream. Taking a quick look around, he realized it wasn't. The Normandy had crashed and Shepard was still there on The Citadel. He should've been there where he belonged in James' arms, but he wasn't. He believed in doing his duty, even if it killed him.

"Are you okay Lieutenant?" Liara asked him as she got up.

"Not really," James hissed at the pounding in his head. "But I'll survive."

"Well I should hope so James."

"Uh, guy's, I'd hate to break up this moment, but you gotta come over here now!" Joker called to them from EDI's side. "She won't wake up! There's something wrong with her!"

Making her way over to him, Liara shook her head, "The crash probably knocked her offline. It's nothing to worry about."

"No, something was wrong before we crashed, remember. Come on, we have to help her!" Joker insisted.

"We have more pressing concerns at the moment Joker," Liara said forcefully. "We have to find out where we are!"

"And whether or not everyone's okay," James added with a nod.

"Fine," Joker conceded, crestfallen, "But she's part of the crew too you know."

"I know," Liara sighed, turning away. "Come on, the navigational logs should give us a clue to where we are."

"Okay," James agreed, making his way down the corridor to one of the darkened command consoles. "Shit, it's offline too."

"Most of our systems are," Samantha told him, heading in his direction. "They were knocked out during the crash."

"Do we still have comms?" Liara asked her.

"The onboard ones are knocked out, but we can still communicate through our omni-tools," Sam explained.

"Have you managed to get a hold of anyone?"

"Yes, all members of the crew are accounted for," Sam began. "Some minor injuries have been reported, but nothing serious."

"Good, that's something at least," Liara smiled.

"It's good to hear that everyone's okay, but we still don't know where we are," James pointed out.

"We should go out there then," Sam suggested. "The omni-tools should be able to take enough readings that we might be able to get our bearings."

"Good idea. James, Joker, let's head out. Sam, I want you to head down to engineering and see what Adams has to say about repairs," Liara said, making her way towards the airlock.

"Okay, I'll call you on my omni-tool as soon as I have news."

Liara nodded as she strode towards the airlock with James right behind her. With a sigh, Joker headed back towards EDI instead of following them out, he had one more thing he wanted to try before he gave up on her.

Stopping at the airlock door, noticing Joker wasn't with her, Liara asked, "Joker, what the hell are you doing?"

"She told me something once," Joker began, using his omni-tool to tinker with EDI's systems. "That this body of hers has an autonomous power supply and can shut itself off in the event of an overload to protect its memory and the rest of its systems. So, I'm kinda hoping it did that instead of what I'm afraid happened."

"Any luck?" Liara asked him.

"There, that should do it," Joker said as EDI's body twitched. "EDI, can you hear me?"

"Yes, Jeff, but something is wrong."

A little shocked, Liara asked, "What do you mean?"

"I've lost the ability to communicate with the ship. I can no longer sense myself as being part of it. It's rather like I'm blind," EDI explained quickly.

"Maybe it's that wave. It might've disrupted the transmissions between her body and the ship," James suggested with a shrug.

"No, that would've knocked out her ability to communicate with her body, not the ship."

"Then is she stuck in her body instead?" James asked him.

"It would appear that I am, at least for the time being. My consciousness is here, not there," EDI confirmed, rising from her seat.

"Well, we don't have time to figure it out right now," Joker pointed out, turning towards the airlock. "Liara, you were going to head out to see where we are."

"Yes, after you if you would like," Liara nodded.

Joker exited the ship and out into the unknown world that their ship had crashed on with James following him. Gathering herself, afraid of what she might find, Liara went out after them. The mysterious world looked almost like Earth in a way, except it had two rather large moons and it was much warmer.

"You know, this place is pretty nice. Wouldn't surprise me if this is a colony of ours," James said with a smile.

"It does seem kinda homey, doesn't it," Liara agreed with a grin of her own.

Heading back towards the airlock, mildly disgusted, Joker said, "Well, if you two are done blowing each other, I'd like to see if EDI knows anything about this place."

"Okay, fine, you do that," Liara replied sarcastically.

Passing Joker on his way back inside, Kaidan emerged from the airlock with a smile on his face. It had been a long time since he saw the beauty of a natural world – since he had smelled the fresh air of an unspoiled world – he hadn't realized how much he'd missed it.

"Decided to join us Major?" Liara greeted him.

"Yeah, Chakwas cleared me for duty and I as far as I can see, there's a lot to do."

"There is indeed major, there is indeed," Liara responded, continuing to take a look around at the strange new world.


End file.
